My friend Angie sent me this link to a talk by Mooji, a master teacher she really connects with.
I found a moment to listen while I was sorting socks on my bed. Tuning into what he was saying, I put the socks away and lay on the bed.
“What if for a moment, you cease trying? No effort, but take it seriously. No identity, no reference to past, no intention about the future, no definition about anything. Let’s try it and see. Your mind will say, “I want to “do” nothing.” I’m not talking to him now. You are not waiting, leave everything. Not concentrating, no effort. You’re not in any gear, you don’t touch name, you don’t touch gender. No waiting, no expectation. No imagination, no time is there, no interpretation. Not suppressing, stay as you are. Nothing to manage, nothing to heal, nothing to fix. Be conscious of your consciousness.”
I had a saxophone teacher named Saffron who taught me music theory. She would say, you have to learn all this but when you are playing you can’t think of it, you just have to be there. My recent meditation practice has been so structured, with so many things to think about, this invitation to not think, to not imagine, or hold onto identity clicked into an expansive consciousness that has always been present. It was all around me, I was a part of it and expanded without effort into a heightened state of being. Mooji continued,
“You do not wish to bring in any corrupt state or belief into this. You are determining your reality. You are determining whether a thought is going to distract you so that you forget your Self , so to speak and enter into fluctuating states again. And even if that happens are you able to bring yourself back to your Self again, as it were, In a flash?
…When you identify “I” as a person, you welcome the whole family. “I” will bring the cousins, the uncles, the aunties, and the drunk friends. Thoughts will not have the potency, the virility, the audacity to confront you, they cannot intimidate the pure Self, they can only intimidate the idea you have of who you are, your self- image. The whole thing is spectacularly fantastic.”
What he was saying went deeper than words and it was spectacularly fantastic. It was clear, it was freeing and quite a tremendous rush.
“Can it fade? Is it merely a feeling? If it’s a feeling it will come and go, it’s not really a feeling…
Is it belief? Belief changes us.
Is it something you have to keep up?
Is this true? Ask this not from the outer place but from the inner place.”
The next day I got up and was still in it. I felt I had woke- in. I went to Brooklyn and sang for a preschool and we had the best time. I took the train back and was still in it. My heart was singing and I thought, “This could be it. I may have this now forever.”
By that evening “Mr. Mind” had taken back over and I was so disappointed that my thoughts took the elevator down to the basement.
The next morning while driving to NJ, Julia and I listened to Terry Pratchett and I reveled in the unique liberated fun he offered us. Then I was able to see the snow as we drove along in its intended splendor. I was singing for families that morning. They were so joyous and danced; everything was sweet and rich again. I was aware of how grateful I was for my life.
So, I hadn’t become enlightened but I was still connected and had access. I had just let my thoughts bite me.
“The thoughts will try and bite you but your real self is unbiteable.
There is an idea that in order to live in this world I cannot stay in my heart, and that is not true.
Look not just with your mind but with your fullness. It is closer than intimacy, there is no distance.
Don’t talk about the self, be the self.
Why this loyalty to that which does not serve you?
You are determining your reality. If a thought is going to distract you and enter into fluctuating states again.
You have to be willing to burn this forest down, the forest of misconceptions, false identity. Why this loyalty to that which does not serve you?” – Mooji
May our training allow for a sincere letting go, so that we are able to experience the love that as the song says will, “Not Fade Away!”