Category Archives: Non Violent Communication

Happy Extended New Year!

I hope your first week has gotten off to a refreshing start.  Following a custom we learned in Glastonbury England, Julia and I wrote down things we wanted to leave behind in 2014. (For me, they were things like not going from A to Z in my reactions- that is, going down the rabbit hole, projecting a fear based outcome when obstacles arise.)  We decided not to burn these resolves as we did in England but keep them to remind ourselves what we are leaving behind.

This week we had some in-depth conversations with friends, including  Barbara and our housemates, about freeing ourselves up for our greater good. This included a discussion about Marshall Rosenberg’s book Nonviolent communication.  This is not only a book but a practice and a language that I feel could be taught in school alongside of French and Spanish.  The way this language works is to first observe an action that affects you and then connect it with an emotion that comes up for you.  Thirdly, you connect your feeling with an unmet need you have. Once you can pinpoint your need, you make a request instead of a demand that clearly states your need.

The chapter from the book we discussed was about Emotional Slavery to Emotional Liberation.  This is a three step process. The first is to realize we are all responsible for our own thoughts and feelings and Emotional Slavery is when you feel responsible for other people’s feelings; especially those closest to you.  The next stage is obnoxiousness, where you say, “Weeee! F#*% you, I’m not responsible for your feelings! Emotional Liberation is realizing you don’t have to be responsible for other people’s feelings but you compassionately don’t want to meet your needs at someone else’s expense.

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

Last night, we had dinner with Matt T. and Ilana.  We talked about the balance between having specific goals, holding the picture of what you want to manifest and allowing your life to live you, walking the walk of miracles so that you look up and say, “Alright, we are playing Carnegie Hall,” as opposed to saying, “Well, finally Carnegie Hall, now I have to get on Stephen Colbert and be the first performer on the moon! And no rest or peace until then!”

There is the eastern practice of detachment, which allows us to be at peace with what is.  My mom likes to ask the universe for whatever healing or positive outcome she wants to manifest and then be at peace and grateful for whatever comes. Julia and I like to ask for the best thing to happen for all concerned. Sometimes our desires will lead us into places we don’t actually want to be in, so asking for the best thing to happen allows for the bigger picture to work on our behalf.

Whatever tools or methods you choose to use this year, may they bring you your heart’s desire and enough peace to fully enjoy it!